Don’t Train Your Staff to Smile — Train Them to Notice

There is a big difference between smiling because you are happy to see someone and smiling because you’ve been told to smile.

I’ve spent nearly 50 years in hospitality, and I’ve watched generations of hotel and restaurant employees being taught to smile.

And I’m beginning to wonder whether we’re getting it slightly wrong.

Don’t misunderstand me. A smile is important. A warm, genuine smile can make a guest feel welcome and can change the atmosphere of a restaurant.

But there is a big difference between smiling because you are happy to see someone and smiling because you’ve been told to smile.

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We’ve all seen the latter. The fixed grin, the rehearsed “Have a lovely day”, followed by the obligatory “Is everything all right?” before the employee disappears before you’ve had a chance to answer.

Technically, everything has been done correctly. But somehow it doesn’t feel like hospitality.

I think we should be training people to notice, rather than simply training them to smile.

Notice the guest who’s looking around because they’ve been waiting too long. Notice the couple who clearly don’t want to be interrupted. Notice the person who looks lost. Notice the guest who has had a difficult day.

And then give people the confidence to respond in their own way.

I was reminded of this recently at 33 on Bond, our student restaurant, when we had a significant delay getting the main courses out. I watched some of our young waiters gradually lose confidence. They started avoiding the guests’ eyes because they knew people were waiting.

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The problem wasn’t simply the delay. It was the uncertainty.

What do I say? Will the guest be angry? Should I apologise again?

My answer is simple: tell the truth.

“I’m afraid we’re running behind in the kitchen tonight. I don’t want to give you a false promise, but we’re expecting another 30 minutes. We’re working on it, and we want to make sure your food is right when it arrives.”

That’s a much better conversation than pretending everything is fine.

Perhaps you can even add a little humour or suggest another glass of wine. The point isn’t to make light of the problem. It’s to acknowledge it, take ownership of it and keep the relationship with the guest alive.

And that’s where hospitality leadership becomes important.

When things go wrong, the mood of the team can change very quickly. We are social animals; we pick up the emotions of the people around us. If the waiter becomes anxious, the guest notices. If the manager looks defeated, the team notices.

The leader’s job isn’t necessarily to analyse everything that’s gone wrong in the middle of service. There will be plenty of time for that afterwards.

The leader’s job is to lift the mood, give confidence and keep everybody moving forward.

That’s something I believe strongly in when it comes to hospitality education too.

I don’t believe genuine hospitality is something you either have or don’t have. It can be developed and trained. But the training shouldn’t simply produce technically competent people who know the right words.

It should build confidence.

It should develop observation.

It should teach people how to communicate.

And, importantly, it should give them permission to find their own voice.

Because the best hospitality I’ve experienced hasn’t always come from the person with the biggest smile. It has come from someone who made me feel that they had actually noticed me.

A smile is often the result of good hospitality.

It shouldn’t be the definition of it.

So perhaps we should stop training our staff to smile and start training them to notice.

Give them the confidence, empathy and freedom to respond like human beings.

The genuine smile will probably follow.